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Some very particular phones for your very particular needs

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  • December 17, 2015
  • Henry Oliver
Some very particular phones for your very particular needs

A phone for clean freaks

It’s probably best not think about how dirty your phone is. You use it while you cook, you use it after you sneeze, you probably use it on the toilet. And how often do you clean it? Like really clean it, not just wipe it on your shirt?

But if you are one of those people who reads the above paragraph and breaks out in psychosomatic hives? Well, I have a phone for you!

Kyocera, a Japanese smartphone manufacturer has recently released DIGNO rafre, a phone with "handsoap-washable water resistance" that can handle so much water you may as well just wash it like your dishes. I assume that’s a lot cleaner than your shirtsleeve.

A phone for audiophiles

For more and more people, smartphones are becoming their primary source of music. And they  listen with their little white earphones and through their phone’s tiny speakers and plugged into the AUX of their home stereo.

And let’s be honest, you don’t need to be an audiophile to know that it doesn’t sound that great. But if you are an audiophile? Well, I have a phone for you!

This year, Marshall – you know, the company that makes the guitar amps rock bands pretend to have on stage – announced the release of its London smartphone, designed specifically for people who value their smartphone as a music device.

The phone includes a dedicated processor for music, two higher-quality-than-normal speakers, two headphone jacks for sharing music with a fried of DJing to multiple friends, an ‘M button’ that gives immediate access to your music player of choice, a scroll volume wheel so you don’t have to adjust your volume in increments, and a ‘global equaliser’ (not too sure what that is to be honest).

Let’s hope it goes to 11.

A phone for the privacy concerned (CEOs, Edward Snowden, etc.)

Okay, so we all know that by using the internet for anything you are basically signing some degree of a deal with the devil over the data you leave in your trace. We’ve all heard the saying: if you’re not paying, you’re the product. And while that may not be entirely accurate, most of the things we use on the internet are free because the providers of those services are making money off the data we provide by serving ads that are more ‘relevant’ to us as consumers.

And not only that, to make our devices as convenient as possible, we let all sorts of service providers have access to our data to make things run better. So service providers can know where we are, where we’ve been, who we’ve talked to, what apps we’ve used and for how long, and, perhaps more importantly in some cases, what we’re storing on our phones. And if you have anything on your phone you don’t want others to see, you should never, ever use public wi-fi.

But let’s say you work in the public sector and you’re carrying around some top secret information on your device, or your phone holds your company's forward thinking, top secret plans for market domination. Well,I have a phone for you!

Image via Silent Circle

Silent Circle's Blackphone 2 is made to be the most secure phone on the market. Running a modified version of Android with increased security, the Blackphone 2 allows you to separate your phone into Work and Life, with different settings options for each. You get access to the Silent Store where you can download apps cautiously vetted for security by Silent Circle. There’s even a physical fuse that blows when someone tries to change the phone’s firmware.

But the most important feature is Silent Phone (which is available on iOS and Android for a monthly fee), which allows you to make encrypted calls, send encrypted texts that can self-destruct in a set amount of time on both your and the receiver's phone. Like Snapchat for serious people.

A phone for people with kids that throw phones

Do you always drop your phone? Do have a little kid who throws it across the room whenever YouTube makes them watch an ad? Do you hate those ugly covers manufacturers want to sell you to cover your beautifully crafted glass and chrome phone? I have a phone for you!

Samsung’s new s6 Active is basically a regular s6 with a way tougher case and a slightly better battery, the s6 Active gets rid of all everything breakable and replaces it with tough plastic.

Actually, now that I think about it, this phone is uglier than most cases, so you may as well just buy one of those cases that lets you drop your phone off buildings.

A phone for people who don't want their damn phone on them all the damn time

While we should probably all spend a little less time with our phone’s in our hands, sometimes it’s not as easy as leaving your phone at home. Let’s say you’re going out for dinner with your significant other and leaving the kid with a babysitter.

Now, you probably don’t need to take the phone. You shouldn’t be checking your work emails or tweeting or whatever on your only quiet dinner together in months. But, what if the babysitter needs to call you. What if the kid gets sick? What if your car breaks down? Well, I have a phone for you!

Next year, the Light Phone will (probably not) revolutionise modern society by enticing people to stare at their phones less. Link it to your smartphone with an app, buy a cheap pre-paid plan, and your existing smartphone will forward calls from selected numbers to the tiny Light Phone, which is so small (and, yes, light) it can fit with your credit cards. Need to make a call? You'll have 10 numbers programmed, otherwise you’ll have to dial the number like it was 1998.

No email. No text. No Maps. No Twitter. No distractions.

Sounds good, right?

Still too much for you? Well, I have a phone for you! The NoPhone is "a fake phone for people who are addicted to real phones". 

A phone for people who like to make phone calls

Do you like making phonecalls and being able to hear the other person with volume and clarity? Well, I have a phone for you!
 

This story originally appeared on idealog.co.nz.

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