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HomeNEWSLook out, Jeff Bezos

Look out, Jeff Bezos

The NZ Retail team has, for most of 2018, been coming up with terrible start-up ideas for fun. Here’s a few of our not-so-greatest hits.

At the NZ Retail office, we get a lot of press releases from retail start-ups. We’re not Shark Tank, but we do assess them for relevancy and merit before publishing stories about those we like.

Some of these start-ups are quite predictable. For example, it’s hard to imagine that any shopper could have a need that the crowded natural skincare and activewear categories aren’t already servicing, but there’s still people out there claiming their rather unoriginal businesses were inspired by a lack of options in the market.

Others, like Moustache’s edible cookie dough and packaging-free grocery start-up GoodFor, are wonderful ideas that we immediately admired.

My team also enjoys coming up with start-up concepts. Since the majority of our mental energy goes into NZ Retail and The Register, these ideas are of dubious merit, but we’re pretty sure at least one of them is the next Amazon.

No Seam Stress: A service which pays people to hygienically wear in new clothing on behalf of the purchaser. Shoppers will be matched with an individual that’s ever so slightly larger than them, and then this person will stretch out tight jeans, soften scratchy linen shirts, and tame sandals that rub or boots that squeak before passing them back to the original owners in perfectly comfortable condition.

Uber, But For Horses: Sends a horse to your location. Multi-purpose.

Knick Knack Fanny Pack: Sells fanny packs with the essentials for a night out partying and possible walk of shame home in the morning. Basically, we’re hitting up the travel-sized personal care shelf at the service station and putting one of everything in a fanny pack together with some Dirty Dogs.

Zip It, Sweetie: Makes ethically-manufactured zips, and campaigns to eradicate poorly-functioning zips on clothing. Deputy leader of the National Party Paula Bennett will be approached as celebrity spokesperson.

Heels to wheels: While walking everywhere in painful stilettos at New Zealand Fashion Week, we thought, “There must be a better way.” And then we put on some sneakers. But seriously, what if you could flick a button on the side of your heels that would transform them into the coolest rollerblades in town? The heels could tuck in like an aeroplane’s landing gear. It’d be brilliant.

The Rage Gym: For people who only feel like working out when they’ve got a lot of emotional energy to get rid of. Co-located with its sister business, The Breakup Bar.

The Breakup Bar: A bar geared at supporting the emotional needs of people who’ve just left a relationship. Amenities include bar staff who are also trained counsellors, a smash zone full of breakable items, and a soundproofed scream room for crying and other loud noises.

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